December 14

It's very cold outside today. I have a headache the size of Texas and I'm coughing like a camel on crack. And because I'm an idiot, I forgot my bottle of Ibuprofen, my scarf, and my gloves at home. By the time I get to work I wish someone would run a Sherman tank across my body from the chest upwards to make the wheezing in my lungs and the pounding  in my head stop.

Three patients and two staff meetings separate me from my lunch break. My despondent Italian, who's been feeling a bit more positive. Still, he's worried that feeling halfway good today will just make a bad tomorrow feel even worse. I wonder if this whole friggin' country of Austria doesn't run on this principle.

Then there's Herr H., who is planning on going home for Christmas. Finally. He tried to take his life in August and has been with us ever since, coming up with a new reason once a week to feel miserable so he can stay yet another week. Why? Probably because: See last sentence last paragraph.

Then there is Frau L., my translucent borderline friend whom I left with a box of crayons for the weekend. I open the ring binder she brings to our session and now it's time to gasp: Translucent Frau L., whose entire appearance is so colorless and pale that she might as well be her own ghost, drew two of the most amazingly bright pictures, just playing with the crayons, and she chose the brightest colors you can imagine: neon bright shades of green, purple, blue, yellow, red, and orange. It almost blinds and even kind of hurts me to look at the pictures. Plus she gave the picture a totally cool texture by rubbing the color on the paper surface with her finger. I am shocked. Unfortunately, our session is over, so I don't have time to talk to her about interpreting her drawings, but I ask her permission to show them at our staff meeting. She can hardly believe that I would want to show her pictures to anyone, but she gives me her consent. Later, when I show the pictures and tell my colleagues who drew them, they all sit there in utter shock, quietly mumbling words of disbelief -- especially those who had "handled" Frau L. during her past stays and who had informed me that there wasn't a damn thing we could do to get her to come alive a bit.

Conclusion: NEVER be fooled by a ghost.