December 9

Another session with Signore M., the sad Italian. He just sat there and cried. And cried some more. And kept crying.

He has absolutely no hope for his depression to ever go away again. And that is one of the disgusting side effects of Signore M.'s kind of depression -- you think you will feel this terrible/despondent/sad/hopeless forever.

Fact is: You won't. No system can maintain feeling THAT shitty for very long.

It's good that Signore M. can cry. Lots of people in his condition can't even cry.  That presents a by far tougher challenge to the therapist.

It's good to cry. At times we just have to let ourselves cry. For a couple of minutes. Maybe for half an hour or maybe for a week or a month. But at some point in life it just might be time to cry. To let ourselves be totally depressed -- depressed like snot, as one of my missionary companions once so aptly termed this condition.

At some point in life it might be time to be completely depressed like snot. Let my body and soul grieve. Take a break. Keep quiet. Rest for a while. Accept the fact that I have no energy whatsoever. Not try to force things to get better. We live in hectic times.

In all likelihood this condition will not persist. Things will get better. With adequate help and care from internal and external resources I will regain my strength, physically, mentally, emotionally. But first I have to rest and let myself simply be whatever I am.

Sometimes the illness is the cure.

Buona sera.